i wonder why i care so much what people think about me although i try really hard not to. it's this stages when i feel whatever i do can't please others and still childishly want to lick people's boots all the time. i want to deflect that into jokes but sometimes it's hard because you just want to follow others and make others follow you. it's tough being in this society. you want to be in the trend and never to be left out and so because of that you're not enjoying life like you should. music used to be my passion and now it turns into a melancholy of letting people listen to what you have. i want to let out the pleasing about and anger go and once again enjoy life instead of impressing people all the time. i thought i got over the phase but supposed it was not all over as i thought it would be.

i'm growing back to my childish ways of insecurities but i believe i want to take the step up again where i become much more confident than i am before. life is always at turns, the up and downs of this sadistic life is the one that changes us. i don't feel so inspired now but maybe because i'm too worn out. i hope the inspiration comes soon and not so tragically tired and remember what i enjoy doing what i do. perhaps is the emotionally strung out concept of life where you wish you feel that all is well; but perhaps not, because there's something inside you that gets deeper everytime you set out to take a breath of fresh air.

and perhaps all in all this is another growing stage of life.

whereby tomorrow will look like a better day.

a heart by controlled words
singing to the lights
bringing down upon sunshine
midget tights
blimey, what is that?
the beating of freaking thuds
follow the walkway down to heaven
dear me,
is this my privatehaven?